But there was no need. I knew who had donethis.What had just happened played over and over in my mind. One moment I'dbeen looking at her in fury, wondering if she was responsible for mytransformation, enraged that she mocked me; the next something insideme had struck out at her and she'd gone flying across the room asthough I'd hit her with a sledgehammer. No, more than that. As thoughI'd hit her with a speeding car.I'd done it, obviously. It was the fulfillment of every child's fear,the fear that a stray thought might somehow lead to the death of aloved one.I'd killed her. I'd reduced her lovely body to a twisted ruin just bythinking it. I was a murderer. Even if she had been complicit in makingme permanently female, she hardly deserved this.She moved, one arm extending, her hand opening and closing, her legstwitching erratically. She was alive!I ran across the room and knelt at her side, her name rising to my lipsin a mingled cry of relief that she was still alive and horror at. I ordered a drink (that was a necessity!) So a few minutes later he comes walking in…….. I knew the minute I saw him I was in for it. And yes the self- talk started again, damn I, did he have to be so good looking and a body to die for!! We both go in for a short hug and sit back down. We start talking and I immediately feel comfortable with him. He decides that we need to sit at another table so he can sit next to me instead of across from me. So we move tables and he touches me and I can’t remember exactly where but then I feel it necessary to keep my hand on his leg (yes it really was his leg!) So the lunch was short and I was nowhere near being ready to leave him yet, but since he was working that day his lunch time was over, so we left the restaurant and he kisses me in the parking lot and oh damn, what a great kisser he is! We texted that afternoon and he had to run an errand later that evening and being that it was November and Christmas was nearing I had shopping to.
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